The relationship expert shared her six-step plan to help women start dating like a grown-up. If you find yourself dating again in your 50s, chances are a major life event -- whether it be divorce or losing your loved one -- has given you quite the beating.
Tell us what you think of her advice -- and your own experiences dating after 50 -- in the comments below. So before you rush out looking for love again, it's important to be ok with who you are, said Palmer.
"It's about being intellectual with your beliefs and realizing they aren't true," instead of being completely emotional, she said. Whether it's getting online (which is how Palmer met her husband), classes, or social meetups for post 50s, "get out of your house, because a lot of us do the same routine everyday at [this] point in our lives," she said.
"We need to be proactive in going places where you're going to potentially meet eligible men." Once you've reeled in a man of interest, there are a few things the mature woman dating over 50 needs to know.
The grown-up dater gives him a reasonable amount of time to show up, and then says a big “So what! Take care of yourself by initiating a conversation and sharing your needs and wants.
If you are dealing with a grown-up man he will appreciate and respect you for it.
It starts off innocently with a question like “So what happened with your marriage? Nothing positive can possibly come from this, sister. Yes, I know he said he was going to call you, I know you had a great date and want to see him again. That’s especially true of the grownup men that you’re dating. The last thing you want at 55 is to wake up in the morning with flashbacks to your days as a 20-something, right? His manners, his shirt, his smile, the way he talks about his kids.
Steer clear of these topics until you know each other better. Your 25-year-old may want to linger and go down the rabbit hole trying to figure it all out. Unless you can talk with your dude about safe sex and the status of your relationship after intimacy, steer clear of the sack.
It's about getting that intellect back and making good choices." If the person you've found continues to hit all the new and approved adult checkmarks you've made for yourself, great!"It's about reacquainting yourself with who you are today and what value you hold in a partnership," she said. The internal list we all have that makes finding your perfect partner as hard as lassoing a unicorn."A lot of people are still holding on to the old vision of themselves." 2. But holding on to that impossible list isn't fair to you or the men you date, Palmer said.See how the relationship unfolds and revisit that list often.But if not, don't be afraid to start all over again.Compassion is the key to having an enjoyable time when you're dating. "Rendezvous to romance." So you've fallen in love with yourself, created a more realistic and flexible list of the traits you'd like in a partner, broadened your social circle and got the date with a man you're attracted to... "On a first and second date you're not trying to figure out if you're going to marry him," Palmer said with a chuckle. " Fast forward to a future version of yourself who's a few dates in with this new man."You want to put your best foot forward [and] you want to show personality." And putting your best foot forward means knowing what "baggage" needs to be checked at the door. You've reached the final step of dating like a grown-up: after all the self-reflection and open conversation "[apply] that to making the decision if they're still a good partner," Palmer said.There's still the matter of erasing "those recordings that play in your head about men and relationships," Palmer said."'Men only want sex, men don't want relationships...' It's about getting past your limiting beliefs." Palmer acknowledges that these beliefs can become as automatic as "blinking," but said it's a matter of first recognizing that those beliefs exist and working through why you feel that way. "Make a plan of where and how you're going to meet the right men and how to get a date," Palmer advised.Most people want to find a friend or a life partner, and to meet the dates who may fulfill this desire, many 50-somethings, about 80 percent in fact, do it the old-fashioned way — through friends or family. Dating after 40 or 50 means taking control of your love life, just like you do the rest of your life. Keep your body language open, play with your hair, smile, touch his arm. It means being kind to yourself and the men you meet. I have compiled a list of Dating Do’s and Don’ts exclusively for women like you. These are for the woman who is done repeating the same mistakes, and is ready to find her grown-up love story.1. Baggage bonding is when an early date shifts into deep conversation about some baggage you have in common. You start comparing your horrific ex-spouses or your crazy awful dates. Men know who and what they want, often better than we do. But every day I coach women like you through situations they wish they didn't get into.