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If you’re in crazy infatuation with your pastor, you might start feeling like your church is the greatest place in the world.If you fight with your pastor, you’re going to start hating your church. If being part of a stable religious community is at all something that matters to you, then you don’t want to get on an emotional roller-coaster every time you walk down the aisle.

(And because my pastor had told me not to tell anyone about the sexuality, I ended up having to discuss a “relationship” whose existence I was not allowed to acknowledge.) It stinks to keep secrets from the people you pray with, because then how on Earth can you pray in any meaningful way together, if you can’t talk about one of the most important things in your life?

You could just go and pray with friends (which, by the way, is what Quakers do—they don’t have clergy, and their official name is “the Society of Friends).

If you believe that someone has a special sensitivity about God, he or she is going to have power over you, because God is, by definition, all-powerful.

Alternately, you can not keep things secret, but then... Other parishioners are going to think that you’re getting special treatment from the pastor (and so might you).

Jesus loves everyone equally, and so should a pastor. But in fact, in my case, my pastor’s nickname for me was “Belovedest”.

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